Parenting a Child With a Limb Difference

My son was born with two hands, but at the age of 5 his right hand and wrist had to be amputated due to frostbite. I adopted him when he was 10. If you are a parent of a child missing a hand, whether due to amputation or a congenital issue, do not let it worry you. 

Your child will be able to do anything they want to do. Seriously.  

In 2008, I was able to get him a prosthetic and we got to know the people in the Limb Difference Clinic at Children's Hospital here in Atlanta. His physical therapist told him about the Adventure Amputee Camp that happens every summer. I registered Michael for camp and he was pleased about it. Kids with limb differences of all kinds get to have the same camp experience as non-disabled kids, and it's a wonderful place staffed by physical therapists, occupational therapists, and prosthetists -- in other words, adults not freaked out by being around a child missing a limb. The kids get to do all kinds of things, from hiking, water skiing, whitewater rafting, horseback riding, etc. I was sure Michael would have a blast. He did. 

below, in 2007 right after he got his first prosthetic 

 

A missing limb is NOT A HANDICAP. It's just not. Michael may do things a bit differently than a person with two hands, but he CAN DO ANYTHING. 

I thought when I adopted Michael and brought him home he would never be able to play with a Gameboy or a Wii or an X-box or anything like that. Wrong. He has no trouble and is, in fact, a terrific gamer.

I didn't think he could put together Lego things. Wrong again. I got him Lego models and he typically put them together in less than 15 minutes. In fact, Legos bored him pretty quickly because they were so easy for him.

Here is a list of things I never thought Michael could do with no help [and no prosthetic] and he proved me wrong, right quick:

• tie his shoes
• clip his fingernails
• tie a necktie 
• ride a bicycle 
• chop an onion [he does this as fast as I do]
• cut his meat at the dinner table 
• ride a bicycle
• play the piano [he just does this for fun]
• play pool [he has a custom cue] 
• cook [he has worked as a professional cook]
• build things like bookshelves, raised garden beds, etc. 

We really didn't think he would be able to get his lifeguard certification or Red Cross certification so he could be a lifeguard. Part of the test involved picking up a large brick off the pool bottom and swimming it up to the surface and over to the side of the pool. Michael practiced it and did it, first try. That was in 2014. He had only learned to swim in 2007 when he came home.

I didn't think he would be able to drive a moped but he does that quite easily, with no modifications. He drives a car easily too.

I never thought he would be able to climb but thanks to the wonderful folks at Catalyst Sports, he can do that really well. 

Below are some photos of Michael doing things people doubted he could do, and doing them WELL. 

He was a star player on the neighborhood tennis team and his high school tennis team for more than 5 years. He even figured out how to serve without asking for any special treatment. 

He played baseball for 3 years, on local teams. He would catch the ball in his left hand, stick the glove under his right armpit, pull out the ball, and throw it. He could do it lightning fast and was one of the best players! 

Left - He really enjoys climbing and is a great climber!

He has gone hiking and climbing in the mountains several times as an adult.

 

Below, in his job as a cook at a high-end local restaurant, where he was a valued team member. Check out my article for The Cook's Cook site: The Cook With the Mighty Left Hand. It includes a link to a video.

 

below, Michael water skiing while at Adventure Amputee Camp

 

right, Michael horseback riding

 

 

 

Now age 29, he chooses not to wear a prosthetic because he can do whatever he wants without one. Prosthetics are generally heavy and cumbersome, more trouble than they are worth, in his view. A lot of adults with upper limb differences choose to not wear a prosthetic. [Note: he might opt for a prosthetic one day, if finances and technology allow.]

 

 

 

below, one of his favorite shirts!

Michael does whatever he wants to do, in his own way!

Right, with his Husky, Megan. They love to go hiking in the North Georgia mountains! 

Michael now works for a meal prep service as a cook, Southern Meal Prep.  He also attends Gwinnett Tech where he is working towards a degree as a Radiology Technician.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#limbdifferenceguys, #parentsoflimbdifferencekids, #limbdifferenceathletes 

The Importance of Holding A Baby

When I was born in 1962 my mother listened to the doctors for only a week, then took matters into her own hands. Not waiting for Dad to pick her up, she simply walked out of the hospital and got into a taxi holding infant me and a suitcase, still wearing a nightgown and robe.

The doctors didn't want her to go. 

When I was born I weighed 5 lbs. 8 oz. and I was almost a month late being born. Mom had been on bedrest for the entire pregnancy, bleeding the entire time. The doctors told her I'd likely be another  miscarriage. She ignored them. 

Her first child, a son, was a miscarriage at 5 months. She and Dad were devastated. They were young and healthy and wanted children. 

My brother was born healthy two years later but Mom contracted a kidney infection and almost died. 

My mother loved to tell the story of how she saved my life after I was born.  I survived the very difficult pregnancy. I survived a complicated birth, after the doctor unwrapped the cord from around my neck. When I was born scrawny the doctors put me into a newish invention, the incubator, and kept me in there. 

For two days, Mom was told to rest and leave me in the incubator so I could gain weight. The nurses were told not to bring me to Mom. She had no milk so I was a formula baby. On the third day she put on a robe and walked to the nursery. She held me as long as she was allowed, and then was told she HAD to go back to her room. After about 6 days, frustrated with not getting enough time with me, Mom told them to go to Hell, and took me out of that hospital. I had lost weight and weighed less than 5 lbs at that point. 

I was so tiny, regular diapers and baby clothes didn't fit me. My aunt went to Woolworth's and bought doll clothes, and I wore those for a while. Preemie diapers and baby clothes didn't exist yet because most premature babies died. 

When she got home, Mom faced a bad situation. My grandmother, who had been staying at the house for weeks helping with my 3 year old brother, left. She was very pessimistic about my chances for survival. 

"You and Tony are still young. You'll have other children," Memaw said. She was one of 13 children, and 2 had died in infancy. 

Mom was furious. She had a lot of trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant. She decided to prove her mother WRONG. 

A game plan was drawn up. Mom and Dad took turns holding me, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Neighbors, friends, and family members helped. Many thought my parents were utterly CRAZY. Well-meaning older folks told them I would grow up to be horribly spoiled from all that holding. Baby "experts" in the early 20th century actually told parents not to be too affectionate with babies and small children. 

Mom and Dad ignored them and held me. I was only put down for diaper changes and baths. 

Nobody told Mom to do "skin to skin" holding, which is now recognized as being important. 

Mom just instinctively felt like if I was held and loved on consistently, I wouldn't die. I wouldn't "fail to thrive." 

It wasn't easy. In those days, glass baby bottles had to be sterilized between feedings. I would only take a couple of ounces of formula at a time. The recipe for making formula was not simple or easy. My father (who didn't know how to cook) nonetheless learned it, and made it. Leftover formula had to be discarded, they were told. 

Diapers were all made of cloth and had to be hand washed and line dried. 

The dog (3 years old then) got the leftover baby formula. The dog gained weight and grew even bigger. The vet was astonished.

After about three months, I had put on some weight and filled out, and I started to look like a normal baby. They transitioned me to a more normal schedule. 

I am alive today because my mother ignored the doctors and did what she thought was best for her baby.  [photos below illustrated how pitiful I looked at first and how much better I looked a few months later.]

NOTE: After her initial skepticism regarding my survival, my maternal grandmother became an integral part of my life and we developed a very close and loving bond. My dad's mother had died, so I only had my memaw, and I adored her and my grandfather.